Ain't it funny how you can plan and plan, and then it just never happens?
How you can start a day with all the good intentions in the world, and then *poof* it turns around in all the wrong directions. Every which way you don't want.
I suppose it's like being the odd one out. The one who has the funny accent and the awkwardness. The moments you feel you have finally reached a breaking point. Then the next moment you feel you have gone back in time.
And sometimes I’m not exactly sure that you move on from the things of your past, the people, the routines. It’s just that you find some other way to adapt to those things that are there. You find some other way to live within what’s going on. Another way to live with all that surrounds you. And every once in a while you can look back to what you once did, who you once were, who you were surrounded by. And it's just different. Perhaps it's not exactly better, not exactly worse. It's just different.
And it's not that you don't miss what you once had, and it's not like you long for it. It's just different.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Which Way
Then we move back to the fact that sometimes we are never able to say what we want to say.
Why is it that we can never ask the things that we want to ask?
Why is it that we can never get to the point that is really bothering us?
In the sense that we do not have the ability to really grab hold what we are after.
In the sense that we are afraid to think about what could happen when we do, when and if we don’t.
We just linger in that other moment.
That moment in which it’s ok, but not great, that moment where it just is and it can’t be tarnished.
That one.
Or perhaps it’s just the fact that we can’t get our head out of other peoples business long enough not to have the desire to ask questions. There's always another way of looking at things.
Why is it that we can never ask the things that we want to ask?
Why is it that we can never get to the point that is really bothering us?
In the sense that we do not have the ability to really grab hold what we are after.
In the sense that we are afraid to think about what could happen when we do, when and if we don’t.
We just linger in that other moment.
That moment in which it’s ok, but not great, that moment where it just is and it can’t be tarnished.
That one.
Or perhaps it’s just the fact that we can’t get our head out of other peoples business long enough not to have the desire to ask questions. There's always another way of looking at things.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Say it
Why is it that I can know exactly what someone is going to tell me, I can know the exact words that could come out of their mouth, and yet, I need to hear it. I need to hear them say it
Why is it that I have to go through the whole process of contacting them and asking them a process of questions just to get to that one point, those few words I already know.
And obviously I would only go to a certain person because I *know* I will hear what I want.
So, if I know it. If I can hear it in my own head, what's the point of the spoken out of the mouth of another? Why can't my own psychotic thoughts be good enough?
Because I could hear something more? Because we are all just uncertain of what we actually know?
Why is it that I have to go through the whole process of contacting them and asking them a process of questions just to get to that one point, those few words I already know.
And obviously I would only go to a certain person because I *know* I will hear what I want.
So, if I know it. If I can hear it in my own head, what's the point of the spoken out of the mouth of another? Why can't my own psychotic thoughts be good enough?
Because I could hear something more? Because we are all just uncertain of what we actually know?
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