...There are the times, you know, when you realize you (may) have exactly what you wanted. A
And you don't know what to do with it anymore.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Honestly I am doing nothing with my time these days. I don't have a job due to the fact that I was unable to find one that would actually want me and all my strings(the fact that I would be only working for the summer seems to be a problem in these days, eh) And sure I have my one day a week internship, which I am grateful for and love, but it all (doesn't) take up time.
Ever since I have returned I have never felt so... well, empty (cliche, but there is always a reason that these things are repeated!)
My days are literally filled with a continual routine of this and that. And then there is also the attempt to do this and that with my time. To read more, to write more, to actually do my work for my online class on time(all of the wonderful complexities of that online class deserve another post for sure!) to get organized, to figure out where I'm going and what I want to turn all of my energy into. Don't get me wrong, then there are the days I *love* this absolute nothingness, and if it could stay this way... yay!
Ah! Who has all the time to do these things when you have all the time in the world?
Ok, what I think I am getting at here is that I'm lazy, ok, known fact. What I think I am trying to get at here is that I don't understand why people, mostly me I suppose, always are so much more inclined to do things when they have absolutely no time?
So, it's like this. I can have a week to get something accomplished peacefully but I would rather wait to do it in the hours before it is due. Yes, it's the same old student story.
And I could say that while I was gone it was all so much easier, there was never any pressure, it was so wonderful and blablabla. Fact is that's not true, but fact there with the pressure I felt some sort calm with it, fact is that I am always getting to thinking that all of my here 'emptiness' (oh, gosh it just sounds depressing) will fade once my time is occupied with all wonderful school things come September.
But, why does all that have to wait until September? I suppose it's just my way of looking at it.
Ever since I have returned I have never felt so... well, empty (cliche, but there is always a reason that these things are repeated!)
My days are literally filled with a continual routine of this and that. And then there is also the attempt to do this and that with my time. To read more, to write more, to actually do my work for my online class on time(all of the wonderful complexities of that online class deserve another post for sure!) to get organized, to figure out where I'm going and what I want to turn all of my energy into. Don't get me wrong, then there are the days I *love* this absolute nothingness, and if it could stay this way... yay!
Ah! Who has all the time to do these things when you have all the time in the world?
Ok, what I think I am getting at here is that I'm lazy, ok, known fact. What I think I am trying to get at here is that I don't understand why people, mostly me I suppose, always are so much more inclined to do things when they have absolutely no time?
So, it's like this. I can have a week to get something accomplished peacefully but I would rather wait to do it in the hours before it is due. Yes, it's the same old student story.
And I could say that while I was gone it was all so much easier, there was never any pressure, it was so wonderful and blablabla. Fact is that's not true, but fact there with the pressure I felt some sort calm with it, fact is that I am always getting to thinking that all of my here 'emptiness' (oh, gosh it just sounds depressing) will fade once my time is occupied with all wonderful school things come September.
But, why does all that have to wait until September? I suppose it's just my way of looking at it.
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