Peculiar

Ain't it funny how you can plan and plan, and then it just never happens?
How you can start a day with all the good intentions in the world, and then *poof* it turns around in all the wrong directions. Every which way you don't want.

I suppose it's like being the odd one out. The one who has the funny accent and the awkwardness. The moments you feel you have finally reached a breaking point. Then the next moment you feel you have gone back in time.

And sometimes I’m not exactly sure that you move on from the things of your past, the people, the routines. It’s just that you find some other way to adapt to those things that are there. You find some other way to live within what’s going on. Another way to live with all that surrounds you. And every once in a while you can look back to what you once did, who you once were, who you were surrounded by. And it's just different. Perhaps it's not exactly better, not exactly worse. It's just different.

And it's not that you don't miss what you once had, and it's not like you long for it. It's just different.

Which Way

Then we move back to the fact that sometimes we are never able to say what we want to say.

Why is it that we can never ask the things that we want to ask?
Why is it that we can never get to the point that is really bothering us?
In the sense that we do not have the ability to really grab hold what we are after.
In the sense that we are afraid to think about what could happen when we do, when and if we don’t.

We just linger in that other moment.
That moment in which it’s ok, but not great, that moment where it just is and it can’t be tarnished.
That one.

Or perhaps it’s just the fact that we can’t get our head out of other peoples business long enough not to have the desire to ask questions. There's always another way of looking at things.

Say it

Why is it that I can know exactly what someone is going to tell me, I can know the exact words that could come out of their mouth, and yet, I need to hear it. I need to hear them say it

Why is it that I have to go through the whole process of contacting them and asking them a process of questions just to get to that one point, those few words I already know.

And obviously I would only go to a certain person because I *know* I will hear what I want.

So, if I know it. If I can hear it in my own head, what's the point of the spoken out of the mouth of another? Why can't my own psychotic thoughts be good enough?

Because I could hear something more? Because we are all just uncertain of what we actually know?

And every drained, cheesy bone.

Because there are those days we realize we just gotta walk it alone.
Those days we realize we're never walking on the same path,
going along the same beat,
headed in the right direction,
speaking the same language
as all those others.

But, eh, we keep on going.
Because we know we are headed somewhere after all.

Vi scrivo

Vi dico la verità.
Vi dico che è ufficiale.
Vorrei tornare a casa e dimenticarmi tutto quello che è successo qua.
(e diciamo che questa giornata ha iniziato bene)

requests ... considered.

This is just a post about absolutely nothing - nothing except for my desire to tell the blogger world to piss off ... that blogger world that I adore oh, so much.

And, no that was not rude at all.
I felt the need to tell, and you really needed to know this.

--

And maybe I'll be back someday.

To Overlook

It's official. It's official. It's official.
I have forgotten to say it so many times.
Yet, I haven't really forgotten about it at all.
And, yet, I can barely believe that it's really official.
Perhaps it's forgotten out of avoidance.


overlook
verb |ˈōvərˈloŏk| [ trans. ]
1 fail to notice (something) : He seems to have overlooked one important fact. See note at neglect .

World, I can't do it anymore.

Let me just say that I always thought the whole idea of being eco-friendly was ridiculous. Or, at least, it was/is getting a little ridiculous. Eco-this, eco-that, organic-this, organic-that. But, that's all I really would like to comment on that.

But, in spite of my distaste of all of that ... I decided to do something that would be 'nice to the environment.' So, I bought a pair of shoes, eco-friendly shoes. Eco-sneaks as they are better called.

At first I was so proud of myself for doing something good (even if I did think the price was ridiculous). Then after a few days ...

...The sneaks started to have some foul odor. And, sure, they're shoes .... they connect to feet ... feet smell ... sometimes ... you can connect the dots. But, no. That was absolutely not the case. These sneaks have a mind of their own ... something about the recycled material(old tire, and some other things I can't remember), just ... makes them the most foul smelling thing I have ever owned. (I don't really remember the smell of everything I owned, so perhaps that is not true, but ...)

So, all that I can say now is, I am done trying to save the world one step at a time. I can't do it anymore. I would rather walk around without smelling like, like ... well it's best I try not explain it.

And, I'm sorry world but I just can't do it anymore.

just another day in the neighborhood

"Excuse me miss, are you lost?"

'Uh, no. I'm fine, thanks.'

"Oh, sorry ... you just looked a little lost."

Yes, these are the kinds of conversations that happen on a regular basis, to me.

Enough said.

Choppin' Broccoli...the fluffy part at least.

Well, for some reason I started to think of this incident that happened in the midst of a birthday party, birthday party sometime around age 8? 9? ...

We were all gathered around watching a movie…ya know a nice little gathering in the living room. I can’t for the life of me remember what movie it was. Perhaps one of those ridiculously girlie or ridiculously stupid or ridiculously sad movies I don’t know, probably trendy and strange…who knows I certainly wasn’t paying any attention to it.

So, point being all that I remember from this night is asking the birthday girl’s mother in the middle of the movie . . . ”Do you like the stem of the broccoli or the fluffy part?”

Yes, dead serious I asked this question. And I asked it as if it was some life or death matter that I had to get resolved right at that moment. I was newly obsessed (eh, maybe just ‘like’) with broccoli. I only liked the stem – I despised (ok, maybe just ‘not-liked’) the, as I called it – (and still call it) the fluffy part. And I just had to know anything and everything broccoli. And, most certainly what everyone else thought of it.

I was brushed off by this mother, she said: “wait, wait, I’m watching the movie” And,I also received the “wait a minute” finger, the annoyance in her voice, and that strange "shut the heck up" tone in her voice. (ok, so maybe I exaggerate)

A few minutes later she finally answered me and said that her favorite part of broccoli was the 'fluffy part.' And I must say I was disappointed. How could anyone like that part? ... seriously? But, she also said that she like both parts...ugh.

Then she continued to watch the movie like nothing happened ... and I continued to ponder all that there is about broccoli. Who really knows why I was so obsessed with this, suppose I was always stuck in some sort of analyzing things mode ... no? My mind is always off on some other planet? dunno.

(Oh, and just for the record, I now prefer the 'fluffy part' to the stem...) ;)

I ask...

Why can't I use this excuse for so many things I need to get done?

I HAVE FOUND YOU, ehm, INSPIRATION!!

...and all thanks to some crazy chick talking on the phone in the hallway. :)

So, let’s just get right on down to business, shall we? The words that follow are of the crazy chick that made me laugh, and laugh … and, ah. It was a nice (silent) outburst of laughter and you know what else. :) (words are paraphrased of course – I am not able to remember every little thing from the conversation)

“So on Wednesday it was, like, raining out. And, so I went outside and started
running in the puddles, but not like, running-running- just running ya know with
my arms out like an airplane ya know. So then I came inside and this kid, Josh,
asked me if I was an Art major. And I said, ‘No, I’m an Early Childhood Education
major” and then he was like, “oh, that explains a lot of things” like
sarcastically. (with added emphasis on the later words) See, that’s the problem
‘cause nobody else *does* that….”

Yes, that was what I thought, too … what is the problem? The fact that people don’t run around in puddles? The fact that people don't automatically guess major you have? The fact that people don’t pretend they are airplanes or any other type of machine? The fact that people don’t say ‘like’ a lot? The fact that people don’t have random moments of psychosis? The fact that….

Well, you can think whatever you want. Or you can not think at all. I refuse to put any serious reflection into this. Perhaps you can understand why this brings me so much, ehm, joy. Perhaps you cannot. But, ah, that’s always the problem you see. ;)

The In's and Out's of life

But, perhaps it is only that I have quit living (in theory, sort of) and started thinking too much? Over-thinking. Over-obsessing. Over-analyzing. Over-questioning.

Ah, the insanity!

Now, who's fault is this....?

So, *quack-quack-quack*

I have been endlessly searching for my thoughts these past few weeks. Something to do, something to say...and obviously, I have found nothing.

Surprised? I didn't think so. Searching for some sort of inspiration always ends negatively. I just cannot understand where all of my words have gone? Where the f*** have they gone? ...And will I ever get them back?

There is also that fact that haunts me ... If you have to look for inspiration, if you have to look for the words, you shouldn't be looking for it to begin with. Or, rather, if you can't find it don't bother looking for it ... it's just not 'your thing.'

All I have to say to this is 'damnit!'

My patience is waning, and that is making me a bit scared. And, of course this is not the only thing that is starting to drain. Of course.

And, Ah-ha! I have nothing left to say.

What else is new I say, what else is new?

I surrender.

No. I give up. No...it is something else that I do. Well, the thing is.
Oh, nevermind. There are no words that I have. I went through another day going attending class and being lost, and not knowing whether it is the subject or me.

Oh but I forgot! This morning was another one of those mornings where I thought *something* was absolutely one of the worst things I have ever done in my entire life...and then it got praise!

wow!

That doesn't make any sense....so I leave with a quote, "And you're not even an Art major right?!"

Right.

Phil

Ok, so today is the 2nd of February (or maybe it was yesterday, now?) which means that today(yesterday) is(was) Groundhog Day…And Mr. Phil has seen his shadow … which means that there is going to be 6 more weeks of winter. Or maybe it is the other way around and he has NOT seen his shadow…I honestly don’t know I could never remember either way. I mean, does anyone really believe all this nonsense anyway? Probably.

I just always will remember the movie “Groundhog Day” Ah, how I loved that town. (even though there was constantly snow.) And, oh how I wanted to relive some day in my life over and over again…Even if in the end it’s supposed to be a “bad thing.” I certainly never understood why.

So, six more weeks of cold and snow and yuck … here we come. Or maybe not. I seriously need to start bringing back some point to these things. *Sigh* and blah, blah, blah. And, oh yea it's supposed to snow tomorrow, thanks Phil.

Don't get me started...

I know that my blog is starting to be quite lame these days...But, other thoughts have been absent lately. Couldn't tell you why. And quite honestly I don't want to think of what that really means. So, here I am with something I know I should say/think this is quite the cheesy thing. And, oh how I hate all of the ... whatever the hell these things are... But, yet I like, and yet I think, and I share...

The Lotus Totus

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY ONE. Spend some time alone.

(and thank you to who wrote this on facebook so that I could steal it and write it here, grazie!)

Pfft; Pffft. No, you're the idiot

Oh, the so many definitions of a word so...odd. Not, even a word, an expression really.
These definitions that are to follow are all the workings of www.urbandictionary.com ... so if anything sounds strange, is spelled wrong, is redundant = not my fault!
Ok, here it goes...

We'll start with the shorter:

Pfft:

1.An expression of a lack of interest in another persons comment
2.Used to look down upon another
Ex:
Person 1: u really suck man
Person 2: pfft

3. Fine, whatever, I dont care

4. An expression of dismissal of another's comment.
Person 1: You're an idiot.
Person 2: Pfft

5. The sound of a silent and deadly rectal emission.


6. When you disapprove of something
We didn't have the day off!
Pfft, how lame.

7.an expression of disgust, disdain or disapproval, usually uttered after someone has just told you something totally inane or uninteresting.
"Hey, I'm going to vote Republican this year, isn't that cool." "Pfft!"

8. a noise you make when you are bored with something someone is saying

9. a forced exhalation of air which produces the noise pfft
done when you disagree with someone
'i think im the best looking person ever'

Now we go to the longer:

Pffft:


1.When somone says something really, really stupid and useless, A sound made to wind people up.

2. The Winner of all arguments.

3. The sound you make when someone says something that you don't like, want to forget, or disagree with.

4. A noise favourably used either in disbelief or as a pre-sound to laughter. Often an aggresive way of saying I disagree and of course for those of the population who feel obliged to try and hold in their laughter use this word.
'pfffHAHAHA!'

5.the sound emitted when farting.

And, we're done.

And I found more than 7; the lucky 7.

This is what I can say I learned in JANUARY: (this is what I can say I have taken from this month, when the year is all said and done..my goal for this new year, right?)

Well, I was searching only for 7 things about myself that I thought were quite interesting. 7 things that I thought others would be interested/surprised to know. It was one of those "I tagged you now you write and tag others things" (I know dull, I was bored). And then I came to the realization that:

1. I have not live that much.

-And-

2. “…I am a nervous, shaky person. That is the conclusion of all this. I am always nervous. And it is always for something that is beyond my control. How freakin’ sad. (and, yes the list continues to this day, but I usually don’t spend my days playing silly games in a classroom. Well, you could argue that one I suppose)” = my direct quote from writing that thing out.


I will try to explain out the context that that quote was wrapped in… I found out through writing that silly thing that my whole life has been attached to something so simple and consuming as fear. Simple and consuming as nerves. I am afraid if I do 'x' or 'y' that 'this' or 'that' will happen.(possible I try to control the uncontrollable, no?)

I always have these nerves of …something, anything that take me away from doing what I had wanted to do. I feel so powerless, really. I have let something else (whether people or a feeling) control my life and it has been forever. I mean, sure it make a cute little story to say I can overcome, but, come on, that stuff is only worthy in the movies.

I mean, I always knew that ‘fear’ and nervousness’ were directly attached to practically everything that I did, and still continue to do. But, I never really knew how much it consumed my life…How much it has caused and regret and blah blah. And it was all for something so ridiculous as this.

I am certainly not going to say that now I am changed and will relinquish the fear and the nerves from my body. Because that is just not going to happen, not at all. Those two things will always haunt me, and be the evil shadow following me forever. All that I can sincerely say now is that I am aware of them, so now I can see them when they are going to hinder something in my life…Perhaps one time I will be able to overcome one of these incidents.

Maybe, just maybe.

Do something that scares you everyday.

Yes, that title was very good advice. I agree. Of course everyday...? Might never accomplish that one. Even if I know (and love) the gratification that comes with overcoming/accomplished some looming fear...

But, I digress. The point of this was to say I am officially relieving myself of the "Things you don't know about me" post. I have been trying to fix it up to post here for the past two weeks and it has not happened. That therefore must mean it is not worth my while, right?

I mean, in truth it doesn't actually need revision rather it needs chopping. But, all that is really important is the fact that I wrote it about myself. Made myself think hard on some things that I am/was. And that is all the satisfaction I need from it.

Who cares if anyone else will read it? I cannot anymore. I do not. Then again, perhaps one day...but I cannot see it looming, I cannot feel the dread...

Then again this is only what I say...

Well, it's give and take...

So thought for today...

Which one is true:

"You are who you pretend."
-or-
"You pretend to be who you are."

Ah-ha. Now that is one of those tricky, tricky situations...

Perhaps both contain some sort of truth. Well, does that mean they are the same thing? It is highly possible that I am making this out to be something that it is not. But, yet I continue to think.

As always

To say

Writing to write. Writing without a function. Without a cause. Without a need. Without anything worthy.

Only to ramble.

And now the writing has finished.

End.

Ah, The Words...

What a strange fact. Life really does have this power over every single person. A powerful power. It has the ability to make you satisfied, happy, melancholy or sad.

I think that the only real moments that we need to remember and memorize are the ones that move you. The ones that don't necessarily make you happy, but the ones that just make you think that 'life ain't that bad after all.' ...

Life is something that only gets better with the things that may not please us. Life is certainly the best when we are aware of all that there is for us to offer. It's really when we are aware of the fact that those moments when we are just feeling, and truly living...those are the best...not the moments of bliss or happiness...those are fading, those better worse for the fact that they must fade so miserably.

Ah, when we become aware. When we just realize that we are human, and that is all we will ever be. The kind of humans that make mistakes, do right and wrong, have faith and have doubt (most certainly the most significant), say something one minute and then fail to follow through the next....All because we are simply human...and we change and we be...

And those moments when there are no words except for the thoughts that run through our head. The thoughts that make us want to jump and shout for the realization of them, but then if we actually did jump and shout - those thoughts wouldn't really be learned, would they?

Whatever all of that really means.

play dead. it stops the hurting.*

Well, the sad facts are just that … I hate responsibility, I feel like I have this OCD where things need to work out my way or the highway. (this is why I have always dropped ‘quit’ what I could not handle in the past?) I have the want and the need to be a perfectionist, but I never succeed. I procrastinate and then when I wait to the last minute to do things. I surely rush and never get them done adequately, as I would have like to get them done. And yes, you could say that there is this one easy answer to all of this and then everything would be not-what-it-is-now. But, oh how things in life are so much easier said than done. Always.

Where oh, where are you the hope of yesterday...not even a mere 24 hours gone...where have you decided to hide away? I want you back...

And then there is the fact that I take everything and I do mean everything, personally. As personal as it gets.

*unfortunately 'playing dead' is a figment of the imagination. One in which you cannot hide out in for very long.

Twitter Talk.

So, I have recently been following this 'person' on Twitter called "Positive_Thinkr" (http://twitter.com/Positive_Thinkr) It does not take much for me to fall in love with the words of another, so this twitter persona was a perfect match for me.

Ah, and the reason I write this is because today alone it brought two lovely quotes into my life...
"Many people shy away from dancing because they don't know how to dance~But real dancers are the ones who can hear the music in their soul."
-and-
"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." ~Unknown

Oh, what a sucker I can be...but I just love the words, all words...
You know, I think that I would speak in quotes the rest of my life...if only I was able to remember them all, and also not have my own thoughts running through my head. ;)

Dani is a Comma

You Are a Comma

You are open minded and extremely optimistic. You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything. You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests. You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time. Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to. (But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.) You excel in: Inspiring people You get along best with: The Question Mark

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

rhyme and reason

Is there any worse realization in life than becoming aware that all you hate about your life is really all your fault…and your fault alone? (excuse the ridiculous repetition)

Nope. I think that has to be the absolute worst.

Perhaps it is just hindsight and regret colliding, exploding and causing all kinds of trouble.

Ah, what a sad day it is...

need to know basis

loll (lŏl)

–verb (used without object)
1. to recline or lean in a relaxed, lazy, or indolent manner; lounge: to loll on a sofa.

2. to hang loosely; droop; dangle: The dog stood in the heat with his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

–verb (used with object)
3. to allow to hang, droop, or dangle.

–noun Archaic.
4. the act of lolling.

5. a person or thing that lolls.

Origin:
1300–50; ME lollen, lullen (perh. imit.); cf. MD lollen doze, sit over the fire

Who would have thought

I want to time travel. Back in time. Back to the past that I have wanted to run away from and erase from my mind for so long. And Sure I can say that I make my future into whatever I want it to be. But all I think is that it will only be half-assed. (yes, yes ... excuse the language) I think that whatever I try to make of my future will just be thing longing/trying to make up for what I never did. It will never really be, what I really want. If only for the fact that there will always be a part settled in the past. Sin. And then I will come to regret that. And the vicious cycle will continue and continue. Ahhh. Maybe 'past' is becoming a taboo word. Probably not.
Sigh, Sigh.

♪"...lost and insecure..."♪
Except what happens when you are never found? Never saved?
♪"...Why'd you have to wait?"♪
Stupid songs.

True simplicity, no?

"Love makes so many beautiful promises and it will always disappoint in the end."

How simple. How little. How cliché. How known. How true. How redundant.

But, how long will it ever take to overcome the disappointment? Is it ever really possible? No. It just follows you around and haunts you for the rest of your life (I can assume) and the strength of it diminishes...Or, at least that is what your mind tells you.

Looming things

Today was the supposed "deadline" I gave to myself to finish my essay.

So far, not so bad. I have actually did something more than I have in... I don't know, the past two months? This is good, right?

Wrong. I keep coming up with all of these ideas that I simply think are so wonderful...and then as soon as they get on the paper (the computer screen) = some of the worst words I have ever seen thrown together in my life.

My problem for today. No, that's a lie, this is always one of my problems. I can never just concentrate on one thing and keep it all nice and pretty. I have to try and go on these tangents and make everything all interesting and "non cliche" ... Maybe it has worked one time or another. I don't know.

I just wonder if I will ever be able to stick to the question at hand and answer it all simple and easy like it was meant to be answered. And then possibly get things done on time. (well, have a little breathing time?) But, no if I ever did that I would not be Me. I would be giving the same 'ole answer and be a drone... and what good would I do the world then? (or atleast, the person who has to read the thing)

See, but then there are those times when I think that I try so hard to be all...and it fails miserably. And, in fact it is really all just like the rest...then again there are times when I think no one really stands out in the world. No matter what. Ah, sadness and misery and loathing.

Ah, the trouble with trying to be "unique" and stand out. And the pressure to fit in when you think you are simply a complete nut. Then again...maybe I have no idea what I am talking about in regards to myself. Whatever.

As always. Whatever to verbal incontinence.

I am off...to stare at the screen and perhaps write something in some kind of order that makes some kind of sense. I can see the end of this, I just can't make it.

Enough, Enough

I have not been able to concentrate on a thing I have set out/planned on doing. It is quite a shame. Or, rather, I am quite ashamed of myself. So, what this all means is that I have been wasting my time, doing nothing, and most certainly - hating myself for it.

Oh, the joy of 'Winter Break' ... How much I longed for it, and blah, blah, blah.

So, sorry to say, I still have not been able to concentrate on anything. Also, I really have nothing interesting to say because of this very reason. The only motivation I have for writing this is the hatred (ok, that was harsh) that is consuming my life, that I hold only for myself.

All that I really have to write is a quote. One that I stumbled upon while looking for something else. I will share because I like it, and because it gives me an excuse to blog. (Ok, I know that no one ever really needs an excuse, but have been in need of one these past few days.)

"....He said that fear doesn't cause running away. Running away causes fear. So if you hold your ground, you'll be brave. And that sadness doesn't cause crying. Crying makes us sad. So we should act the way we want to feel. And he said if that doesn't work nothing else will anyway." Andre Dubus - "The Lover"

Damn. Still nothing to run with. Ok. I leave short and sweet, no?

Some hope, I suppose

So, yesterday I received a new magazine in the mail. "PB Teen" Ya, know that lovely, hip designer home goods place...The one with the pictures of perfect rooms that no one has, but everyone certainly wants. (I admit, I always have wanted one of the pretty rooms..)

Ok, but anyway. The cover has all of the now-ever-so-trendy question "What's important to you?" Including a peace sign and the smiling teenagers. Then when you flip open to the inside cover all of the teens are in a different pose with little bubbles surrounding their head answering that very question.

One girl replies(she gets to hold the peace sign here): " I care about the environment - it's essential to our future."
And all I say to this is 'gag me'
Another girl replies: " Recycling - I resuse bags and totes every time I shop."
Gag me, again please.
To mix it up a little I will add a reply from one of the boys: "I surf all the time, so the health of our oceans matters to me."

Yea, like anyone is really going to believe any of this. Talk about fake things. Ugh. giving me a terrible headache. I must say. All trendy and ridiculous ... no one really cares about any of this stuff. And when they say they do, they rarely actually do anything about it. But, I suppose I am one of the people that is holding everyone back, right?

But, Besides all of this (what happened to only posting short things?!) My favorite reply is: "My room because it's where I do everything."

Ah, yes. One girl does not care about some nonsense. She cares about herself and what she does...not trying to save anyone...just bein' herself. Well, sort of.

Maybe there is some hope for normalcy...even if it is just one almost hidden quote in some decorating magazine.

The Nerve of Me

How could I possibly forget all of the hatred I have for the "New Year."
Whatever. It's just another day(s) with new numbers attached to them.
I sort of, almost got sucked into the hype.
And the only sadly-depressing thing I have to say is; WHATEVER.