♪"I don't want to wait.."♪

…Because I wouldn’t have been able to understand it then, but I understand it now. So now I have been opened up…awakened. And to think it took one small passage, no not a passage a sentence of five words…but, not exactly - that sentence was just the epiphany moment there was so much that built up to that…That sentence just came at a time when I would understand the words in a way that I do now; in the way that would help me.

That is what the wait was for. That impatient waiting. It almost feels like it makes sense now…everything eventually has a way of working out…but, as I have learned, I must not get too attached to this present state. I must not fall too hard, because as always in life, it is only something that is temporary and it will fade. Sure now is now and now may be lovely, but now cannot, and does not, last forever. So I must get attached to the memory, to the overall acknowledgment and realization of what has happened, of what I now know. Not the constant greedy feeling of euphoria I am in now….

…I must learn from past mistakes. – I am so thrilled I want to go scream at the top of a mountain, but what exactly? I get it now…I am all right, I am ok. I will get through it…it is all not that bad, really. I will be ok, believe me, believe in myself.…..
I always thought I have to wait for that day, and then I thought that there is not use in waiting for that day; we must make the day. But, the thing is, we must work through life for it to come – to see it, to realize it. We must not give up and be lazy. (ok, lazy is harsh but, umm, not productive?) We must fight through every day and simply know that one day it will come. We do have to essentially wait, but at the same time we must not wait and not dwell but continue to live. Something will come that will be worth all the work. And there is a difference between giving up and giving in. There is. Giving up is a loss of hope, giving in is the realization of hope; it is the acceptance of what you are, of what is in the world.

I must not forget the old friend "good things that come to those that wait" Have I already forgotten? Is this really true? How do I keep this thought with me and not lose the good that I can feel?