"And there's a change.."

I hate my hindsight. I hate my ‘presight.’ I hate everything about seeing what I am not. I absolutely despise the fact that I can know what to say. I can know what I want to say…and then in the moment when the words need to come, they disappear. I hate everything about it.

I just hate the fact that I can dream up such a lovely picture of what I want to be, what I want to do what I want to say…and it never comes. When the moment finally happens…I always, and I do mean always, fail to deliver.

Is it possibly the fact that I think too much, prepare to much, about it all? That can’t be right, just cant. There really is no such thing as preparing too much, because you will always forget something. So, therefore you do more and more and more. Or, it could possibly be the fact that I prepare the wrong things. Yes, totally possible. I mean, maybe I have some sort of overconfidence that leads my mind astray and I am not really focusing on what I need to be focusing on to make all that is in my head a reality. Phew. Mouthful.

And now I get to the point that I am always at. I feel like I have answered my own question. I don't know if that is something good, or if it is the fact that I just don't know that I just don't know.

Sometimes, we are blind to all that we are(n't). We think we know, yet we have no idea.