...and suddenly it's cold outside

oh, no my dear - it is 'ugg' season once again... non mi piace...
So, it is only the second day of my 'reemergence' (reawakening, rebirth, do-over, epiphany, Decision to be...) as a guitar player, and already I am frustrated and ready to give up. I was reminded what got me down to begin with, what made me stop. My fingers seem to not be the proper size/shape/up to speed that they must be. And there is that terrible noise that comes with not hitting the right note or the right string. But, I must be patient, I must forgive myself. It has been months since I have played and I was not all that good when I played every day for five years, so I cannot expect myself to be any good after not playing for over a year. You really do forget so much in such a 'short' amount of time, truly. I just wish to put it all in my head and make my fingers (and my wrist and arm...whatever other body part is involved) play it all so wonderfully beautiful! (haha I am tired, forgive me ;) I am too determined now, much too determined to give up. "I will persevere!" Oh, so much easier said than done, so much easier. It is somewhat more relaxed now that I don't have to be worried about weekly lessons, weekly tests and nervousness about not getting it all right. Because I always thought that everything outside of a classroom was much more enjoyable no matter how much you enjoy it. There is just less pressure, you just are whatever you are and however you are and that is that. I mean, I loved photography but I am not looking forward to taking another class...all that stress about deadlines and tests and blah, blah. But, then I am told this mirrors "real life" so... Am I just some delusional, lazy kid? Probably but I still believe hobbies are what are true passions are and if you try to turn them into something more they are no longer what they used to be. I don't even know what I am talking about anymore. I just know that I am frustrated by my inability to be what I want to be, and I also know that I will NOT give up, give in, this time. Well, strike that I will be all silly and whatever and forget about the word 'not.' I WILL continue on and force myself ( if I have to) to practice everyday, every-frickin-day!
HA!
Oh, how life can be all about persuading our minds, (and then sounding like some ridiculous self-help book...but I didn't say that...) but it all starts with a decision, our will, our desire for something - to be something more.
I will leave with those words ;)