Even after all we've been through ( I could go on and on)

Even after all I can say that I 'know' and all I have had (or, rather, experienced and still have) I for some reason still find myself wishing things were different.

Yet there is this little part of me (and I do mean little) that will not give everything up (I mean that beautiful thought that I could actually somehow go back in time and give everything up/start over, etc.) Just for the fact that there was those few beautiful moments that really do make my life worth something.

But, then again, that is just it. I know all this. I know it is supposed to be what I am supposed to be thinking + feeling + saying....yet, I don't really believe in it.

I think that I would actually give up/erase all the supposed good in my life - for a different outcome now...I am terrified that I really would give it all up.

But, then.....